By Carla Sridevi Cohen
Emotional intelligence (or EQ) is the ability to receive, understand, respond and communicate with others who may not have the same skillset, awareness, or communication tools you have
“People with well-developed emotional skills are also more likely to be content and effective in their lives, mastering the habits of mind that foster their own productivity; people who cannot marshal some control over their emotional life fight inner battles that sabotage their ability for focused work and clear thought.” Daniel Goleman
Emotional intelligence is a skill analogous to playing a card game, and like any deck of cards, you have multiple options regarding which card/tool you pick in a given moment to “win” the game of life.
Our brains are an everchanging landscape. Depending on the circumstances, we can access different “tools/abilities” or “cards” in our deck to help us effectively navigate, collaborate and communicate with others.
A person of less developed EQ will have a limited range of “go to” cards they rely on more than others. In a given situation, an Ace might be the perfect choice, however in another situation, an Ace would be overkill and you may need to pick a Jack or a Deuce. In other words, if you habitually pick Aces, as you develop your EQ radar, you will start to intentionally choose a Jack now, because that card or “tool” actually makes more sense in your given situation. Once you know which cards you rely on most, you can make conscious choices about using other cards/tools instead.
Here are six key characteristics of emotionally intelligent people and some suggestions on how to improve your EQ.
Knowing Yourself
Getting to the core of who you are is a process. How well do you know your strengths and weaknesses? What are YOUR core values underneath generational conditioning?
Body Intelligence (BQ)
People with high BQ are able to sense the subtle physiological changes that occur in their own physiology and decipher what that means from an emotional standpoint.
Part of knowing your true self is being able to connect to your body (BQ). When you are connected with your BQ, you are able to observe and experience the shades of physiological responses and sensations, which are actually emotions, and then translate those subtle sensations to connect with your inner wisdom to help you with decision making.
Our core values are often hidden underneath layers of conditioning that we have accepted as truth. As we awaken to our true nature and align with our body’s signals and our authentic sense of what is true, we create less demand on the body’s systems. This process naturally reduces the effects of stress on our physiology. Less demand on your Central Nervous System, means more of the body’s available resources can be diverted to support other activities, including digestion, immunity, energy and brain function.
Curiosity
The more you know, the more you realize you don’t know. The idea is to move away from the model that there is only “one right way.” Try asking questions instead of making statements. This will help create connection.
Asking questions helps us to understand what is driving the choices of another person. Understanding motivation, changes perceptions and can help move your internal meter from judgement to compassion.
If your need to be right is a strong thread, try asking yourself this question: “Which is more important in this moment; my need to be right or my desire to get what I want?” That single question can be a game changer.
Choose Yourself
What is the highest thought for you in this moment? Meaning, are you listening to your own compass when it comes to action or non-action?
“The sudden awakening of the samurai to his own agitated state illustrates the crucial difference between being caught up in a feeling and becoming aware that you are being swept away by it. Socrates’s injunction “Know thyself” speaks to the keystone of emotional intelligence: awareness of one’s own feelings as they occur.” Daniel Goleman
Self-Regulation
Can you turn off the reactive self, long enough, to discern your best course in this moment? Can you step outside of your situation to calm yourself down? Or, if need be, use your emotions to drive you to action?
Adjusting to Change
The winds of life are constantly changing. How do you respond to the unexpected? Are you like a duck on water or do you feel more like a ship that gets tossed around at sea?
People who rank high in Emotional intelligence have an easier time going with the flow and making whatever course corrections are needed in the moment. If it’s not a card they possess in their deck, they recognize they don’t know it all, and don’t have a problem asking for support.
Being agile with change is often analogous to good problem solving. Changes bring unexpected challenges. Do you meet your challenges head on or turn and run the other way?
Shift From Point Of View To View Point
Do you just focus on what is in front of you or are you able to envision the larger picture? If you think you see the larger picture, can you expand that even more? Envisioning the bigger picture contributes to long-term success.
Social Antenna
Do you prefer to fly solo or would you like to fly with a flock? Flying with a flock, in formation, cuts down resistance. There is no right way, but people with teams accomplish more.
Excellent leaders are perceptive to their own emotions and observing the emotions of others. This helps them have strong communication skills and the ability to successfully manage relationships – crucial to having high emotional intelligence.
It is possible to actually get a picture of your brain’s natural talents, capabilities and behaviors. Clients find it useful to get a brain profile from me to help them understand how their brain works naturally, in terms of focus, decisions and drive. The report is a visual representation of which tools they rely on the most and which tools they could develop or utilize more often.
It’s also possible to do a profile of an entire team and generate a combined emotional intelligence report. This helps teams make adjustments in their strategy to solve any given problem.
The brain is constantly blending rational and emotional “data” to make decisions. Emotions are the catalysts that drive innovation and performance. Learning to understand your body’s communication will not only help you be more congruent, but also reduce stress and improve your health.
Carla Sridevi Cohen is the founder of the Women’s Health Revolution. She is a Master Healer who has been in the healing arts for over 30 years; certified in 20+ healing modalities. She has climbed Mt Kailiash and walked on fire in her pursuit of the answers to complete healing. Sridevi has synthesized her studies with Shaman and Healers to create a bridge between the metaphysical with science for amazingly consistent and rapid results with her clients. She combines years of tenacious technical and intuitive study of the human body, plant medicine, emotional intelligence, numerous forms of bodywork, yoga, conscious touch, clairsentience, meditation; bringing an extremely unique perspective, depth of knowledge, and ability to support her client’s healing journey. Her clients journey out of physical symptoms and emotional baggage into confident powerhouses.
Copyright June 11, 2020
No part of this article may be used without the written prior approval form Carla Sridevi Cohen
