Holidays are notoriously stressful. You are probably feeling it now. 

Do I go to the family dinner? The party at work?  

Do I pretend to care about what everyone is doing? 

Do I spend money on gifts, when I can barely decide whether I want to get dressed in  the morning? 

Do I travel to places during the busiest time of the year and face crowds, when I just  want to sleep all the time ? These questions come up at the best of times. Grieving a  loss, can intensify the questions and answers. 

 When you have suffered a profound loss and you are emotionally not ready to feel “the  celebratory spirit”. What do you do? 

For many, there is a lot of pressure to attend family, work, and friend events. Even  guilt, because these are traditions you have always participated in and people expect  you to do it now. The emotions related to overwhelming grief, are denial, anger,  bargaining, and depression, per Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, who defined these stages of  grief in the 1960’s. The holidays can lead to inertia, and the inability to relate to the  people and events happening around you. There is a way to overcome and actually  enjoy this time of year.  

Here are 4 actions to bridge the gap between feeling numb and angry to being open to  feeling the love and at a minimum neutral. which is on the way to love and light. 

Look at the holidays in small bites of time, helps the flow of emotions and energy in a  positive way. Start NOW.

The 4 actions are based on 3 Stages. 

1. Before attending an event 

2. During the event 

3. After the event 

Before attending celebrations:  

1. Practice a 5 minute, calming ritual. Deep breathing, short walk to center yourself, a  meditation——Mantra: “ All is well, Only good comes, I am safe.” Or if you already  have a favorite one, use it. 

2. (A) Take the time to think about where you are going and who will be there.  Identify and set boundaries.  

For example: When someone comes to you and says, “ How are you doing, what  happened was really terrible. But you know, we all expected it.”  

Decide before you get there, Are you going to engage? Get angry? Leave? Or are  you going to say, something like, “ Thank you for your concern, this is not the time to  talk about it OR Are you enjoying the party, dinner , event?.”  

Smile and walk away.  

Get a refreshment, see if the host needs help, something to take you physically out of  the conversation. 

(B) Decide how long you are willing to stay and then leave when the time is up.  Remember you do not have to explain and reexplain yourself. You are doing what feels  right for you. 

At the event:

3. Find an “ally”, connect with someone you know is positively supportive, who can  help diffuse tension and recognizes when you are in stressful situations. You can even  connect with this person before the event and ask for their help.

When you return home:  

4. Decompress! 

Take a warm bath with your favorite scents. 

Listen to music, dance to it, if it feels right. 

Do gentle stretching. Yin Yoga is gentle and there are many short yin yoga videos on You Tube. 

Allow yourself to return to your normal activity as quickly as possible. 

These actions and practices can help throughout the year. Consistent practice,  awareness of who you are and what you need, will be the biggest and best gift to you,  year round. 

If you are interested in learning how I help you go from Grief to Grace, contact me at grief-to-grace.com for a gift and to schedule a 30 minute “get to know you” call.

With Light and Love, 

Dr Sherry Shoemaker, PhD, MTOM, RN